Should I Be Doing This?: A Revelation of Exclusivity

Despite having published a few pieces and the continual ideas I get for posts and stories, I’ve asked myself if I should be doing this writing thing. I’ve wondered if I write well or if what I’ve said—or saying—is worth sharing. I’ve compared myself to other content creators and pondered what I’m doing “wrong.” But one of the wonderful things about life is how the unexpected and sometimes uninvited moments give us the answers we’re longing for.

A few weekends ago, I intended to have dinner with a friend followed by some expected enjoyable hours at the Archer Hotel in Tysons Corner, but the need for a new alternator and rear brakes grounded me. The change to my plan didn’t birth negative feelings or thoughts—It just reminded me that I’m not in control and provided an opportunity to embrace this reality.

Due to the revision to my Saturday, I spent the majority of it reading I, Medusa by Ayana Gray. In full transparency, I was slightly hesitant about my decision to read. I foolishly worried that the act could possibly be categorized as neglect of the posts and novels I have begun penning. I also wondered if I would be influenced by the words written by another, or even worse, I might compare my writing to the words captured in the New York Times bestseller I chose to read—which, I admittedly did, momentarily.

I began to question if I should classify myself as an “aspiring author” or “content creator? I determined it depends on the day and sometimes the hour I ponder over it. I consider the label “aspiring author” somewhat acceptable because I’ve started writing a few stories. Furthermore, one could never complete a task and still be considered “aspiring.” On the other hand, a “content creator” is someone who produces and shares various forms of material, including text, images, audio, or video, with the intent of engaging an audience. I haven’t done a good job of doing that—or have I?

While I was on the unfruitful trek through self-doubt and comparison, I had a moment of clarity. It occurred to me that I am Towanda, not Ms. Gray or anyone else. The way I write and when I choose to is exclusive to me simply because I am unique. And confirmation of this revelation came from my father. While he was watching the Sunday broadcast of MS NOW’s the Weekend, he inquired about my magazine and the novels I’m working on. But one of his questions left me dumbfounded. He asked, ‘Why do you write the way you do”? It took several minutes for me to find a response for him. Initially I said, I’m inspired to. But as I was trying to find the right words to articulate my '“why,” my mind seemed to clear and in a what was like a split second, I had the answer—it is a gift.

With this in mind, the time for me to fully embrace the fact that writing is my calling is long overdue. I need to stop doubting and questioning and be a good steward of it by finishing what I’ve been led to start. This task is not about the pursuit of accolades and fame that I’ve admittedly desired, rather an opportunity to serve God by serving others. So, I’ve decided—with God’s help— to do what He uniquely planted in me to fulfill. I believe I finally understand what “being uniquely you [me] is being uniquely beautiful” means. - TV